My prolonged absences are due to the mismatch of life as I know it now and what I was setting out to create with life and "Dabble In Chic" - how could I write about it if it didn't fit?! Well that's simple; the same way I always wrote: honestly. Let's face it, life is never ultimately what we think we can create it to be, but that doesn't mean we need to totally recreate the wrapper we want to put it in.
So what are we dabbling in now? Well, Dablet just turned 2, I just had a birthday, and we put our house on the market! Want to check it out? Click HERE!
Things are full swing with Mary Kay, just earned our second free car in 5 months, and sights are set on the Pink Caddy....but none of that is really on the full frontal radar. My inability to get back to the blog stems from my life as a mom, and redefining my place in the realm of pregnancy experience. Simply put - since the beginning of this year, we have had 3 miscarriages. My blog has always been a place for me to share life, passion, and fun things going on because I loved being able to focus on my life as a "stay at home working mom" - but through all of that it has been hard to come back to center and get past the "I should be x months pregnant right now" feeling.
Loss is something that is unfortunately not a unique experience. We were blessed in a way, because we were provided answers clearly pointing to the "why" these things happened. That's not a blessing provided to everyone who goes through a loss, so for that I am thankful. I used to wonder what to say to someone who had experienced a miscarriage, and there really isn't anything "right". I have a beautiful amazing little girl who lights up my life! So many don't have that when they go through loss. What I finally realized (through counseling that was vital!) is that I spent several months out of this year angry, and I didn't know why - then it hit me. My innocence had been stripped away. I was blissfully ignorant when I was pregnant with Abby! We told people we were expecting just about as soon as that second pink line popped up on the stick! My pregnancy with her was from from perfect - but she was perfectly healthy and is thriving. The untouchable feeling is something that quickly escapes you when looking towards trying to get pregnant again after a loss. It is hard to ever feel peaceful because of experience.
Three things are playing factors in my miscarriages - 1) MTHFR Mutation 2) Increased Anti-cardiolipin antibody 3) low progesterone. Crazy words right? What's crazier - these things don't just "pop up" (especially the genetics!) and were pre-existing to Dablet! She's even more of a miracle. On top of that, there is a pretty straight forward work around for each - and when we're ready we can try again with a little help!
I felt it necessary to share how my perspective has changed, and how it might affect how I find my chic moments and mommy moments moving forward - there will be talk of our journey to bring home our baby #2! We all have a need to bring Chic to life, no matter what we may be going through!
Here's to getting back in the saddle, back on the blog, and back in a mandatory moment of chic for each part of life! I hope you'll tag along!
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