Friday, May 30, 2014

The Final Farewell

Today was (finally) the day we officially closed on our house in Durham - as in papers signed and it's sold! It's a happy occasion because it means we are one step closer to the next chapter of life with our family, and one step closer to just about every personal goal we have been working towards - but it felt odd.
Every time I have been in that house recently over the last few months it hasn't felt like "our house". It's been empty, shown empty, and we've known it was sold for a while now. But every time I went, I knew deep down that there would be one more thing that I forgot to touch up, repair, or what have you. Now that I think about it, even though I sporadically complained under my breath that there was always something else, part of me enjoyed knowing I would get to go back one more time.

So many wonderful memories happened in that house. It was our first house together right after we got married:

Cliche - but fabulous!

It's where we started our family and where we brought Dablet home:

That house was so full of happiness for us as a family, but it also carried many tough life lessons. No matter how you look at it, I will never forget that house. When I walked out today after the final walk though to make sure I had all things checked off my mom asked me "any regrets?". I said, "no, no regrets - we're one step closer to so much more" and I meant it. I was even fine though signing a flurry of papers, meeting the buyers and feeling thrilled that they would have so many of the same fabulous milestones that we had with their new baby in that house. Once I got in the car I became inexplicably emotional - I wish I could blame pregnancy hormones, but I don't think that covers all of it. 
It truly was no longer our home - even though we haven't lived there in months. I felt like I had to turn over the spaces in the house to someone else. Where we had the blow up bed before we moved all our furniture in, the loft where Kyle and I would watch movies before we were parents and have at home date nights, the spot the rocker lived where I took so many naps with Dablet, the countless family dinners made in the kitchen, the Christmas tree corner, the playroom, the spot behind the couch where Dablet first crawled, even where I was sitting when I realized I had miscarried each time. 
For a while it was hard for me to realize that I was turning over space and that was all. I wasn't turning over memories; I wasn't turning over emotions. Whenever you leave a home, no matter if you loved or hated the space, there will be emotion because it has been your home. It has sheltered your family and provided for you, but you get to take that with you. When you move you change homes but what makes that space a home for the years you live there goes with you - your family. I am so blessed to have an amazing family that makes emotional ties to places so strong! I say thank you to everyone who spent time with us in that home, and cannot wait for all of the new memories to come in our next home especially bringing home our baby boy and seeing Dablet grow into a fabulous big sister!