The Final Farewell

Today was (finally) the day we officially closed on our house in Durham - as in papers signed and it's sold! It's a happy occasion because it means we are one step closer to the next chapter of life with our family, and one step closer to just about every personal goal we have been working towards - but it felt odd.
Every time I have been in that house recently over the last few months it hasn't felt like "our house". It's been empty, shown empty, and we've known it was sold for a while now. But every time I went, I knew deep down that there would be one more thing that I forgot to touch up, repair, or what have you. Now that I think about it, even though I sporadically complained under my breath that there was always something else, part of me enjoyed knowing I would get to go back one more time.

So many wonderful memories happened in that house. It was our first house together right after we got married:

Cliche - but fabulous!

It's where we started our family and where we brought Dablet home:

That house was so full of happiness for us as a family, but it also carried many tough life lessons. No matter how you look at it, I will never forget that house. When I walked out today after the final walk though to make sure I had all things checked off my mom asked me "any regrets?". I said, "no, no regrets - we're one step closer to so much more" and I meant it. I was even fine though signing a flurry of papers, meeting the buyers and feeling thrilled that they would have so many of the same fabulous milestones that we had with their new baby in that house. Once I got in the car I became inexplicably emotional - I wish I could blame pregnancy hormones, but I don't think that covers all of it. 

It truly was no longer our home - even though we haven't lived there in months. I felt like I had to turn over the spaces in the house to someone else. Where we had the blow up bed before we moved all our furniture in, the loft where Kyle and I would watch movies before we were parents and have at home date nights, the spot the rocker lived where I took so many naps with Dablet, the countless family dinners made in the kitchen, the Christmas tree corner, the playroom, the spot behind the couch where Dablet first crawled, even where I was sitting when I realized I had miscarried each time. 

For a while it was hard for me to realize that I was turning over space and that was all. I wasn't turning over memories; I wasn't turning over emotions. Whenever you leave a home, no matter if you loved or hated the space, there will be emotion because it has been your home. It has sheltered your family and provided for you, but you get to take that with you. When you move you change homes but what makes that space a home for the years you live there goes with you - your family. I am so blessed to have an amazing family that makes emotional ties to places so strong! I say thank you to everyone who spent time with us in that home, and cannot wait for all of the new memories to come in our next home especially bringing home our baby boy and seeing Dablet grow into a fabulous big sister!

Getting Back on the Page

When I started this blog "back in the day" it was an outlet for a working mom with somewhat aimless creativity to bring moments of pure bliss to an otherwise ordinary life. Then, life happened!
My prolonged absences are due to the mismatch of life as I know it now and what I was setting out to create with life and "Dabble In Chic" - how could I write about it if it didn't fit?! Well that's simple; the same way I always wrote: honestly.  Let's face it, life is never ultimately what we think we can create it to be, but that doesn't mean we need to totally recreate the wrapper we want to put it in.
So what are we dabbling in now? Well, Dablet just turned 2, I just had a birthday, and we put our house on the market! Want to check it out? Click HERE!
Things are full swing with Mary Kay, just earned our second free car in 5 months, and sights are set on the Pink Caddy....but none of that is really on the full frontal radar. My inability to get back to the blog stems from my life as a mom, and redefining my place in the realm of pregnancy experience. Simply put - since the beginning of this year, we have had 3 miscarriages. My blog has always been a place for me to share life, passion, and fun things going on because I loved being able to focus on my life as a "stay at home working mom" - but through all of that it has been hard to come back to center and get past the "I should be x months pregnant right now" feeling.
Loss is something that is unfortunately not a unique experience. We were blessed in a way, because we were provided answers clearly pointing to the "why" these things happened. That's not a blessing provided to everyone who goes through a loss, so for that I am thankful. I used to wonder what to say to someone who had experienced a miscarriage, and there really isn't anything "right". I have a beautiful amazing little girl who lights up my life! So many don't have that when they go through loss. What I finally realized (through counseling that was vital!) is that I spent several months out of this year angry, and I didn't know why - then it hit me. My innocence had been stripped away. I was blissfully ignorant when I was pregnant with Abby! We told people we were expecting just about as soon as that second pink line popped up on the stick! My pregnancy with her was from from perfect - but she was perfectly healthy and is thriving. The untouchable feeling is something that quickly escapes you when looking towards trying to get pregnant again after a loss. It is hard to ever feel peaceful because of experience.
Three things are playing factors in my miscarriages - 1) MTHFR Mutation 2) Increased Anti-cardiolipin antibody 3) low progesterone. Crazy words right? What's crazier - these things don't just "pop up" (especially the genetics!) and were pre-existing to Dablet! She's even more of a miracle. On top of that, there is a pretty straight forward work around for each - and when we're ready we can try again with a little help!
I felt it necessary to share how my perspective has changed, and how it might affect how I find my chic moments and mommy moments moving forward - there will be talk of our journey to bring home our baby #2! We all have a need to bring Chic to life, no matter what we may be going through!
Here's to getting back in the saddle, back on the blog, and back in a mandatory moment of chic for each part of life! I hope you'll tag along!

Monday Moments

Today was another Monday just like any other except for one thing. I didn't have a schedule. If you know me, you'd know that I'm not the type of person to just let my day "unfold" in front of me. I have been adjusting to life without a schedule, and to working from home. Life seems to be full of transitions lately, and my life without a time clock is one of the largest. I used to think that growing up meant a life of schedules, time clocks, accountability, bills, and all of those "things" that we all expect to come with "adulthood". I suppose if there is anything I should know about life it's that it is anything but expected.
Nothing about my life "plan" expected me to start my own company, with three fabulous partners, right out of college. Even more so, nothing said that 18 months later we would be selling the same company for all of the "right" business reasons...just not so much the successful kind. The humbling effects of this kind of experience cannot be put into words. Owning your own company means you can set your own schedule, and by that I mean you get to choose your ridiculously demanding schedule. Over the past several weeks I have been told that I am handling this "transition" with confidence and grace, and I blame video games. Yup, I mean that. I think I was watching Shark Tank when I heard "entrepreneurs today are from the era of video games. When something doesn't go as planned, they hit the reset button". It's very true if you ask me. If I sat here and complained about a situation, it won't fix it. If I cried about how things ended up, it wouldn't be fair the all of the time I spend learning, growing, and enjoying what I helped to build. I don't think anything ever goes EXACTLY to plan, and the best thing you can do from the way things end up "off-schedule" is to learn from them. Maybe by the end of it all we will figure out a better system that doesn't veer too far off of where we're trying to go.
I think a great example of this comes from how we choose to say good-bye. I'm not really talking about how we end a meeting, but how we end our lives. My aunt recently published a book called "I Could Never Say Goodbye", and it is the story of the death of my grandparents. Sometimes things sneak up on you, and sometimes you get to plan them out. Neither situation should mean you have any less grace or dignity, or should be anything less than celebrated. I know that might sound pretty somber, or even dark, but how can you appreciate everything you have experienced in life if you do not celebrate the end?
That can go for even a phase of life, like this one for me. It might be the end of one chapter, but it is an even bigger beginning for the next. If there is one thing true about the chapters of life it's that they continue to get better as you write them!

Until Next Time
Dabble